a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
