Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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