the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
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I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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