i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
