It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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