I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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