Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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