i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
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Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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