Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
