Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You are a genius and a whore.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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