I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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