if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
