i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize