he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
