Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
