I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
