Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
