I need help removing her.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
