I feel great
I just peed on a car
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
