fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
