Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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