glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dignity is for republicans.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
