Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I touched a dick in church today
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
