Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
