Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
