Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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