If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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