there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
