I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.