why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?