like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
