dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
