Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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