I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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