I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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