So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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