We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
