like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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