A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
