well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
