he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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