I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
