i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
