I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
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Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
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Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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