maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
