His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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