fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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