im drinking this country out of the recession.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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