saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
