you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize