I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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