Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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