We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
