Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
