Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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