Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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