Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
