Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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