we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
