Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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