Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
