How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
