Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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