I just made out with a guy for $7.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
