she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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