It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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