I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
