Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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