i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
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she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
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i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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