So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
did you just send me my own nude
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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