Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
