I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
