had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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