i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
