Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
