Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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