i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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