An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
