i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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