You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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