I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
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You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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