did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
