this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
