My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
