And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
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He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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