come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
