i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
